her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
