ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
