fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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