The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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