i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
