3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Green mimosas i think yes
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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