I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
