Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
