We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize