Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
