Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
We got so high we made milksteak
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
