i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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