wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
