So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize