4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
