I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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