I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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