i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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