Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
