So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
