Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
