I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
