white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
