Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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