I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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