So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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