and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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