Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize