So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
