apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
