I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
