apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
