Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
