He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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