if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
