just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize