My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize