I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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