You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
