It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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