btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize