i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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