I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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