that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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