you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
