My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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