mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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