i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
