Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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