I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
