You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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