guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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