The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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