He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
