dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
