Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
