i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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