I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
