how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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