I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
