Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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