ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
