You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
