A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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