By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
