I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
